Then Will Come a Happy Day

Then Will Come a Happy Day

        

         By The Ladies’ Man

Ladies. Girls. Grandmothers. Nice to be here! Thank you for inviting me to speak to you. I hadn’t expected such a beautiful turnout. We’re packed tighter in here than hogs in a . . . . Well, anyway. Mennonite Ladies’ Historical Society. I’m so glad for your devotion to learning our history. It is a blessing to our culture for groups like yours to take such an interest in our past.

         Mennonites came to America from Mother Russia. They farmed, built houses, raised chickens, pigs, cows and horses, gave money to the church, and eventually turned en masse to America for their religion. They gave up their own religion and took on the one next door. Talk about loving thy neighbor as thyself! For evidence of this new religion today you need only listen to the songs Mennonites pay to hear. Any song about the corruption of this world, and the purity and joy of the next, captivates their interest. Take, for instance, my daughter and myself. If we decide to sing a number of gospel songs such as “Rock My soul in the Bosom of Abraham,” “High on the Hilltop,” Son of My Life,” or “That’s Why I’m Happy,” we get much brave and joyful applause and loving kudos after the performance. If, though, we stick in a few blues tunes like “Big-Legged Women,” a secular country tune such as “Half a Man," and an upbeat folk song like “On a Night Like This,” you can hear the silence rain down. You want to make it on the Mennonite performance circuit you sing gospel and bluegrass. Mennonites are totally committed to the presentation of the idea that this world holds naught good and the next will have chosen them, mainly them, to inhabit it and enjoy its luscious food, clothing, and nearness to Jesus.

Once, before the introduction of American ego psychology cum evangelism, Mennonite families were independent of the church for their essential spirituality. Then, they lived under a patriarchy that made the head of the house the final say in what religion meant for the family. Now, with American evangelism, we get a uniform message only—bad world, good heaven—as well as a subliminal, though even more potent message—make money, believe in yourself, don’t have sex for pleasure, rejoice in your disappointments but always believe that Jesus loves you and is actually looking out for you even though it may not seem like it. And, above all, be generous to others about your doctrine. Not your money, your doctrine. That is, share your religious beliefs with others.

Now, it is plain, ladies, that this is a desire of all of us, to be able to love as well as hoard the material things without feeling the need to be truly generous or charitable, to be alone or together, or interested in or indifferent to conventions, and so on. We are selfish beings, but should we be? American religion made fools of Mennonites about the year 1930. Capitalism caused it. Mennonites, too, wanted the freedom to enjoy the vices of greed and still firmly believe that God loved them. I am fain tempted to think that God hates greed and maybe even the greedy, especially if these greedy pretend to themselves with such boring regularity that they are being charitable. Which would mean that He hates us, right?

Now, girls, do you think God hates you? Well? No one?

Ladies? How about you? Grandmothers? For encouraging your husbands and families to look out for yourselves, while pretending to love others? No one? I am a bit disappointed, but that is to be expected. You are, however, a lovely audience and I wish I could spend quality time with each and every one of you. A weekend at least. But, clock and custom prohibit. If any of you girls and younger women fulsomely wish to do so, however, my number is in the Sunday bulletin. It has been a distinct pleasure. Thank you for this invitation, and God bless. I have already received your generous honorarium and for that I thank you again. I understand that coffee and snacks await in the basement following?